to be truly known.

i was reading people magazine tonight, the article on heath ledger, and this quote really stuck out to me:

"heath has touched so many people on so many different levels during his short life but few had the pleasure of truly knowing him." --kim, his father.

i think we all have a desire to be truly known by someone, to be known inside and out and to have the opportunity to share our hearts. this is such a good thing and something that i do truly want, yet it is so hard, so scary to open ourselves up and expose our inner being. but i am finding that every time i do, every time that i put myself out there, i am so glad i did. i appreciate knowing that there is someone there who knows my thoughts, who knows me almost better than i know myself, and isn't afraid to call me out on something. i like growing in relationships and realizing that the reason for it is because we are knowing each other better, and doing this intentionally, knowing full well that it may be painful and it may hurt, but it will always contain a freedom.

i don't want to live my life closed off, afraid of what others will think or simply living in fear at the thought of letting others in. i want to desire to live in a true community, encouraging one another, bearing each others burdens, and sharing in the joy that we all experience. life is too short to be on this earth and keep yourself to yourself. we are made as image-bearers, so there will always be a part of us that is worth knowing. that other part is being shaped and conformed even as we open it up. if knowing someone truly and fully is really a pleasure, then i want to be known, not hold back.

karis theology weekend.

karis community church here in columbia is having it's first ever theology weekend the weekend of february 1st. tom schreiner, a prominent new testament scholar, is the keynote speaker. this looks like it's going to be pretty good, so check it out!

pieces to a life.

i've been reminded these past few days that we all have a past; we all have so many things that have shaped us and defined our values and what we believe as true. the pictures that keep coming to my mind are a timeline, a number scale, and a puzzle. the timeline includes the entire span of our life, our birth to our death. it shows events that we don't even know about--things that have been placed by the hand of God and in some way have had some influence on us. the number scale tells "where we are," if you will. crossing over the zero to the positive numbers represents becoming a christian. and the puzzle represents our theology, maybe how much we "get it," if that makes sense. puzzle pieces are put in all the time. it might be a piece that has to be jammed into a spot that it doesn't quite fit in, or pieces might be taken out and replaced with others that fit a little better as we move down the number line.

i wish that i could see all of the events on my timeline, see where exactly different things and people have shaped me, and see where the pieces of my puzzle don't fit. i want to see where the root is to certain sins that i have and see what fruit, good or bad, is being produced in my life. i want to notice and examine and really take into account my past, and all that goes on that timeline. i'm starting to see my direct responses to my past, and it's scary. but i think if we don't dive into that, we are missing out on so much.

daring questions.

it's probably no secret to most of you that one of my favorite pastors is mark driscoll--he is the pastor of a church in seattle called mars hill, and i regularly listen to most of his podcasts as they become available. i think he does a really good job of incorporating a "conservative" (as he is often called) theology into his church while being incredibly missional to the culture in his city. his sermons are perfect for long drives or if i need something different than what is all around me.

at the beginning of january, he started a new sermon series, answering the top 9 questions that attenders of mars hill submitted and voted on for him to preach on. what a cool idea! here is the list of questions:

• 01/06: #9 "There's no doubt the Bible says children are a blessing, but the Bible doesn't seem to address the specific topic of birth control. Is this a black and white topic, or does it fall under liberties?"
• 01/13: #8 "Why do you make jokes about mormon missionaries, homosexuals, trenchcoats wearers, single men, vegans, emo kids and then expect these groups to come to know God in the same sermon?"
• 01/20: #7 "Why does an all loving, all knowing, and all sovereign God will into creation people He foreknows will suffer eternal condemnation? Why does Romans 9:20 feel like a cop-out answer?"
• 01/27: #6 "Of all the things you teach, what parts of Christianity do you still wrestle with? What's hardest for you to believe?"
• 02/03: #5 "How should Christian men and women go about breaking free from the bondage of sexual sin?"
• 02/10: #4 "If salvation is by faith alone (Romans 3:28), then why are there so many verses that say or imply the opposite, namely that salvation is by works (James 2:24, Matthew 6:15 & 7:21, Galatians 5:19-21)"
• 02/17: #3 "How does a Christian date righteously; and what are the physical, emotional, and mentally connecting boundaries a Christian must set while developing an intimate
• relationship prior to marriage?"
• 02/24: #2 "What can traditional/established churches learn from "emerging" churches?"
• 03/02: #1 "Do you believe that the Scripture not only regulates our theology but also our methodology? In other words, do you believe in the regulative principle? If so, to what degree? If not, why not?"

i mean, some of these are going to be so controversial, but i think it is good how much publicity this series is getting, and how many people will be tuning in to listen to what mark has to say. you can download the sermons here, and subscribe to the mars hill church podcast to get all of the ones that haven't been preached yet as they become available!

idealist personality type.

lately a lot of people have been talking to me about personality tests and types, so here's one that i took that came recommended. here were my results, which were so accurate i was shocked! if you read this, i have a feeling you will know me ten times better.

• Idealists are enthusiastic, they trust their intuition, yearn for romance, seek their true self, prize meaningful relationships, and dream of attaining wisdom.
• Idealists pride themselves on being loving, kindhearted, and authentic.
• Idealists tend to be giving, trusting, spiritual, and they are focused on personal journeys and human potentials.
• Idealists make intense mates, nurturing parents, and inspirational leaders.

Idealists as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self--always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.

Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the "not visible" or the "not yet" that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things.

Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a "soulmate," someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds.

Idealists are relatively rare, making up no more than 15 to 20 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers.

inspired.

i forgot to put up this quote earlier because it is so long, but it's definitely worth reading. it's from to the golden shore, and is part of a conversation between adoniram judson and his wife, after adoniram was back in america from burma and giving a short speech after a church sermon.

After the sermon he had spoken for some fifteen minutes "with singular simplicity, and ... touching pathos," as Emily thought, of the lover of the Saviour, "what he has done for us, and what we owe to him."

As he sat down [Emily recollected]... it was evident, even to the most unobservant eye, that most of the listeners were disappointed. After the exercises were over, several persons inquired of me, frankly, why Dr. Judson had not talked of something else, why he had not told a story... On the way home, I mentioned the subject to him.
"Why, what did they want?" he inquired; "I presented the most interesting subject in the world, to the best of my ability."
"But they wanted something different--a story."
"Well, I am sure I gave them a story--the most thrilling one that can be conceived of."
"But they had heard it before. They wanted something new of a man who had just come from the antipodes."
"Then I am glad they have it to say, that a man coming from the antipodes had nothing better to tell than the wondrous story of Jesus' dying love."

i love this. i want this passion and singularity; no complications. there is no greater story.

jonathan edward's resolutions.

here's a couple of jonathan edward's resolutions for a new year that i particularly like:

5. resolved, never to lose one moment of time; but improve it the most profitable way i possibly can.
7. resolved, never to do anything, which i should be afraid to do, if it were the last hour of my life.
14. resolved, never to do anything out of revenge.
17. resolved, that i will live so, as i shall wish i had done when i come to die.
43. resolved, never, henceforward, till i die, to act as if i were any way my own, but entirely and altogether God's.

he was only 19 when he wrote his entire list, and he reviewed them every week of his life!

i want to make a list like this of my own.

satisfied without results.

i saw this quote on the reformissionary blog a couple days ago:

If I never won souls, I would sigh till I did. I would break my heart over them if I could not break their hearts. Though I can understand the possibility of an earnest sower never reaping, I cannot understand the possibility of an earnest sower being content not to reap. I cannot comprehend any one of you Christian people trying to win souls and not having results, and being satisfied without results.

Charles Spurgeon, quoted in Don Whitney's Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life (p113).

can someone truly be satisfied without seeing results? is this a true view of "success"? because it seems that if you are truly following the will of God, then you should be satisfied no matter what. is spurgeon, in a way, saying that you should not be satisfied if you don't see the fruits of your labor? should we be content in any circumstance, if we are truly being faithful?

joel osteen.

there has been so much hype around joel osteen lately. it's made me think a lot about him and his message that reaches (and influences) so many people.

check out:
- slate's article on osteen
- a cbs 60 minutes special
- osteen's book that has topped bestseller lists

on abc family tonight, there was a broadcast of one of lakewood's church services, and i ended up watching about 15 minutes of it. i've heard a lot about osteen and the church and had even heard some short clips of some of his messages, but i was astounded about how much attention the audience paid to osteen (even while most of them cannot even see them because the church building used to be a sports arena!). everyone's faces looked as if they were immensely enjoying the message and many were nodding their heads, agreeing with osteen at every word. it kind of scares me.

from what i saw, this truly is a "prosperity gospel." the whole sermon was geared towards making your own life better, "recapturing the joy that has been stolen from you." one of osteen's favorite phrases was, "God has the control; you just need to work hard at making your life better; push against the things robbing life from you and he will give you all things."

i just feel like this "gospel" is so dangerous; it isn't the true gospel, yet it is being wrapped around peoples' minds as truth. do you think osteen really believes what he says for himself, or is he just preaching this for the publicity and wealth that he accumulates because his message "works," and gain national acclaim?

and what do you do about this kind of teaching? how do you counter it?

to the golden shore.

in the past couple of days, i've been reading a book called "to the golden shore: the life of adoniram judson." though lengthy, i highly recommend it; i've only got about 20 more pages to go (which i will be reading as soon as i finish this)! here's a description of it i got off amazon that sums it up extremely well:

We'd call them a bunch of kids today. The youngest was 18, the oldest in his early 20s. Full of faith, they left their moms, dads, homes, security and everything they knew. Their destination was certain danger and misery, possible torture and death. Most never returned.

Little visible progress, illness, obstacles, death of friends, co-workers and their own children, illness, antagonists, indifference, illness, financial concerns, war, illness, discomfort, loneliness, depression, persecution and cultural and language barriers plagued them. The first few years seemed to yield no progress. The missionaries were discouraged. They contemplated giving up. Some actually did leave. Then things got worse.

But the Judsons and others were so convinced of their faith and so confident that their obedience to God's will would produce fruit that they never gave up. And eventually their work yielded fruit. First, one convert. Then a couple other converts and a lot of people who were seriously interested started showing up at their door. On some occasions people literally begged to hear about Jesus and for copies of the gospel tract that Adoniram Judson had printed in the Burmese language. The rest is history.

It's an inspirational book, and one can appreciate the work of God throughout the book from Judson's infancy to the Karen people who eagerly accepted the gospel.

In addition to Adoniram, the respective characters of his wives were discussed in depth. One can't help but admire with amazement the determination, courage, godliness and fervency of all of these women.

This book is impeccably researched. Names, dates, events and details are abundant throughout the book's 500+ pages. The author has done extensive research. The author has also left a comprehensive bibliography and laments that some of Judson's letters home were destroyed (at his request) after the death of his first wife.

some of my favorite quotes from the book:

about adoniram--
"it may literally be said that he was a man of one idea, and that was, love, to Jesus, and a desire to manifest it in all its varied forms."

in his wife nancy's journal:
"Jesus is faithful; his promises are precious. were it not for these considerations, i should, with my present prospects, sink down in despair, especially as no female has, to my knowledge, ever left the shores of America to spend her life among the heathen; nor do i yet know, that i shall have a single female companion. but God is my witness, that I have not dared to decline the offer that has been made me, though so many are ready to call it 'a wild, romantic undertaking.'"

more on success.

i'm still learning about what "success" truly is, in my own eyes and in God's eyes.

i'm definitely a person that is schedule-oriented: i like things to be done in certain time frames, i am addicted to my planner, i hate it when everything isn't checked off on my to-do list, and i get frustrated when things don't go according to plan (especially my plan). i evaluate the success of a day by how many things i get done. but this is a sin!! when will i learn that the Lord is not concerned with how many things i get done in a day, but in how faithful i am to him throughout the day? if i'm not glorifying God in my everyday "stuff," then it doesn't even matter. i focus so much on the results, while God has promised that he will be committed to the process of making me holy. when i get frustrated or angry, i'm fighting God, not just situations or people who get in the way.

know others, know him.

c.s. lewis was part of a really tight group of friends of about four guys. when one of the four, charles williams, died, lewis thought that he would get more of ronald (j.r.r. tolkien) because he would not be sharing ronald with charles. but he found that when he died, he actually was getting less of him because lewis himself could not bring out the things in him that charles and his humor could. he suddenly realized that it took a group of friends to know ronald; one is not enough to call everything out. it takes different people. it takes a family to know an individual. but what about Jesus? lewis says that you cannot know Jesus by yourself. we need solidarity with people of different "races" and theologies in Christ--specifically, different denominations, but also all those immediately around us. we need each other. we need to know each other or we won't know him. (keller sermon)

i really like this, because i think it is something that is so opposite to my way of thinking. i so often think that my way is right, that it is better than all others, and that anything else cannot be right. in the past couple years, my way of thinking about God and theology has changed so much and i think that so much of the time i see this as a great thing. but while this is a good thing, i elevate myself and the doctrines and beliefs that i share with others around me above anything that i had previously thought or subscribed to.

while i am entitled to think that i may be more "right" about something than someone else, that doesn't make me any better than someone or necessarily give me a higher authority on a certain topic. i think lewis' experience excites me because it opens up Jesus. it crushes the boundaries that have been set by different subsections of the body of Christ; it takes away the tendency to distance ourselves from others who may not see things exactly the way we do. and just as importantly, if we are truly knowing and searching others around us, then we are guaranteed to know Jesus in a light we otherwise may not have seen. we are all made in God's image and given different qualities and strengths for a reason; this is what makes up the body. we must be willing to know each other so that we can know him more truly.